Walk with me, won’t you?

I vowed several weeks ago to take more time for me – to read, to write, to get out of mommy mode and find a piece of me.

Well, I did it.  It’s 9:06 PM, Tuesday night, and I made it to the corner Biggby’s with a list of topics and themes and posts to draft.  And just minutes after taking the first sip of my decaf mocha, I thought, “Who am I kidding?  I’m not gonna write. I am SO TIRED.”

James has a horrific cold, and I did the momma bock-and-rounce, ahem,rock-and-bounce (see, I told you I’m tired) for hours last night, and hours today.  The thought of getting any coherent words from brain to fingers to Writer was a wee bit daunting.

But then I started reading some of the linked posts to Kelly’s Walking With You re-debut, and I found myself commenting, and realized that some of these mommy’s would more than likely pop over to see who this Writer Chic gal was, and, well, why not give them something of a relevant post when they get here?  (Hi, by the way.)

(For those of you who are wondering where in the world this is going, here is a brief explanation: My friend Kelly, who runs Sufficient Grace Ministries, is hosting a post series for the next 6 weeks for mothers who have lost a child/children. Kelly says, “Whether you are a seasoned mom who has walked this path of grief for years, or a mother newly thrust into this unknown valley, I hope you will join in and add your thoughts. One of the goals for WWY is for women to find hope in the knowledge that they are not walking this path alone. It helps to read about the experiences of others. We hope many of you will post on these subjects on your blogs each week with us…and come back to add your post to the linky on the weekly posts here. You can also share your thoughts in the comments of the weekly posts. And, hopefully, many of you will take time to leave an encouraging comment to the blogs linked each week.”)

Okay, here goes topic #1: Intro, and Where I am Now.

I’m Monica.  32. Married to Jim for 7+ years.  SAHM to Seth (5), Erin (2), and James (7 months).

Perfect little family, right?

Some days, yes.

But my family isn’t without its empty chairs…..

Our first pregnancy was over before it started.  Or almost that quickly.  Literally, the miscarriage started before the nurse could call back with my (pathetic) beta count.

Our second pregnancy was complicated from the get-go, but gave us our incredible Seth James.

Our third pregnancy ended with a traumatic one-two punch behind the billowy curtains of an ER and the sterile confines of an ultrasound room.  From hemorrhaging in my bathroom, to delivering one baby in the ER, to being shocked with the news of a second baby during an ultrasound, to the subsequent D&C…. October 19, 2008 was not the best day, to say the least.

Our fourth pregnancy…oh, our sweet, unexpected, and yes, I’ll admit, unwanted, surprise.  Duncan Thomas…Your story is by far, my favorite chapter of this blog.  You’ve been gone three years now.  How is that possible?

Our fifth pregnancy gave us our rainbow, and our daughter.  Erin Elizabeth.  The piece of the puzzle that started the healing.

Our sixth pregnancy was another “blip.”  And I don’t mean that to be insensitive.  But like our first, it was over before it began.  A positive hpt, but goodbyes before I could even call my ob.

And seventh.  Perfect seven.  Final.  And also a surprise.  Born on the scared anniversary of his big brother’s birth, James Ethan redeemed May 19, and became my beloved third son.

So, there is the intro.  My back story.

As for where I am now?  Well, specifically NOW, I’m getting kicked out of the coffee shop.  So….where I am today….that will have to wait.

But thank you for stopping by (if you’re new), or for hanging around (if you’re not)…..