Time.
They say it speeds up the older you get.
And for the most part, I agree.
But then there are those random instances where you think of an event, and go, “there is no way it’s been ____ day/months/years/whatever.” I had one of those this week.
We traveled to Ohio this past weekend for a family gathering, and while out and about on Saturday, Jim popped in Daughtry. Released just before Thanksgiving 2006, this album was played constantly in my car that winter.
A crystal-clear memory is driving through (read: getting lost in) the middle-of-nowhere-west-central Ohio on the way to my sweet friend Melissa’s baby shower, with track 4, “Over You,” on repeat. (Why? I dunno. I just really like the song….) I eventually made it to the shower, which was so special and so much fun, and handed Melissa a card that said “so glad you’re doing this first; I’ll need all the help I can get in October.”
Melissa was the first – and only – person I got to share the sweet news of my first pregnancy with.
The very next day, I miscarried. Sitting in the West Auditorium of Westgate Chapel with my dear friend Lisa, I just knew “this isn’t my period. This is something altogether bigger and I’m just so sad.”
That was four years and an entire lifetime ago. Naive little twenty-six-year-old me. If only you’d know what heartaches and joys were ahead…. But that isn’t how it works, is it?
I’ve been in a ginormous funk for a few months. I needed to revisit this place – February 2007 – this past week to gain some perspective. I needed to realize that I will have a similar “moment” in February 2015 (holy cow, that is weird to type!) when I think, “naive little thirty-year-old…..if only you’d known…”
Tick, tock, tick, tock. Time is gonna keep passing, Monica. Stay in the moment, and suck all the life out of each day that you can.
5 comments:
(((hugs))) and prayers, Monica. I have been in a bit of funk myself lately...dwelling on the past, the what if's, the if I had only known, etc. I am praying Spring weather turns my funk around.
I hope you enjoyed your time in NW Ohio and got home before all this snow hit. *sigh*
It's hard to do that...it really is. I hope the spring weather in TN helps boost your mood, as well as other things ya got going on down there. :) Give the littles kisses from me! I feel horrible that we didn't get a proper goodbye this time, but I just would have cried (again) anyways. Have a wonderful week!
It's so hard to look to the future when you are looking in the past. However, it's even harder to look to the future when you're in the present and can't quit staring at the past.
Either way, I hope having visited the past helps you heal and move forward again. Lots of love.
As someone SO much older than you, your final paragraph totally gets it. Enjoy and cherish each day - both the good and the bad. They all slip by soooo quickly.
Oh the passage of time. It never ceases to amaze me. And even when it's been two years and seven months, how some of those memories are so eternal, so life changing, that they could have easily been last week.
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