30 x 30

So.

I debated whether or not this post, and the related ones to follow, would go up on this blog, or if I’d start a separate blog.

With a deep breath, I’m taking the plunge and publishing here, with the disclaimer that if I get too many discouraging or useless comments, I’m going to take these posts elsewhere.

That said, I’m about to start on a journey that intimidates me more than any other I’ve taken.  Not my move to California, my marriage, my pregnancies, or any other “adventure” I’ve embarked on excites me – or, if I’m being honest – terrifies me as much as this one.

In part, I’m anxious because I don’t have a real game plan, and you know what they say: “Fail to plan, plan to fail.”  In addition, I know that this is a sensitive topic, and I fear that those I want to hold me accountable will fail to do so, fearful of hurting my feelings.  And lastly, I’m anxious because I’ve embraced this goal, and I don’t even know if it’s possible.

In short, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, but……

I’m going to lose 30 lbs. by September 30 – my 30th birthday.

I have roughly 90 days to accomplish this, and, inspired by Blair, I’ve mentally broken down those pounds into more doable, I-can-wrap-my-mind-around-this-number chunks of weight.

Phase I:  Technically, completed, and not part of my 30 x 30 journey, was Erin’s baby weight.  I gained 17 lbs. over the course of my last pregnancy, and I’m happy to say that I’m 1 lb. less than my starting weight from September ‘09.

That said, Phase II is a chunk of 16 lbs. I wish I had never gained in the first place.  These all came on in rapid fire succession between May ‘09 and September ‘09 – the months I was actively grieving for and recovering from Duncan.  It breaks down to about 4 lbs a month – or “only” 1 lb. a week – over the course of the summer, but still.  Drowning my sorrow in respective bowls of chocolate and peanut butter ice creams was not the smartest way of dealing with things.

Phase III is either going to be my favorite, or my most hated, either because I’m going to breeze through the relatively small amount of only (hah! “only”!!!) 7 lbs., or it’s going to be where I plateau.  These pounds can be attributed to my back-to-back-to-back first, second, and third pregnancies between January ‘07 and October ‘08.  Between the hormones and the subsequent antidepressants for PPD…well, no excuses as to why it went on.  It needs to come off.

And finally, Phase IV – my “honeymoon” weight – is approximately 10 lb.  Similar emotions are wrapped up in Phase IV as in Phase II – these are pounds I wish to not have gained in the first place.

It’s no secret to those who lived through it with us that Jim and I did not have an “easy” first 9 months of marriage.  Technically, the period between February ‘05 (when we got engaged) to May ‘06 (when we moved into our first house) was rough with a capital R.  The gory details of that season are part of another journey – a story I have yet to tell here at Writer Chic.  The relevance is only that this is where the crux of my emotional eating began – or at least, it is where I first recognized it.  I think that is why those last 10 lbs. will be the most rewarding to take off.

I know that if you add up those totals, it comes to a complete loss of 33 lbs., not 30.  Eh.  I’m a little too type A to not shoot for a round number, that’s all. ;)

So, here is where I toss caution to the wind, ask you how the heck I’m supposed to do this, and hope you, dear readers, can help me on this journey.  I’m open to your suggestions.

Here’s what you may want to keep in mind as you brainstorm.

• I’m not ready to take the plunge with the monetary investment of a nutrition plan such as Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem, though I’ve heard of many women who have found great success through these mail-order meals.
• I’m open to Weight Watchers, but meetings would have to have the option of childcare.
• We do own a Wii Fit.  It’s been approximately 10 months since I’ve fired ‘er up. ;)
• I don’t mind being active outdoors during the day, but need to continue to put Erin and Seth’s safety and wellbeing first in these 90+ temps.
• Jim’s workday is approximately 5:30 am to 6:30 pm, so relying on him to “parent” while I workout – while something I know he’d be WILLING to do – is not very practical for our family.
• I’m still currently taking Prozac for prevention of PPD, and will be on this through 2010.  (I don’t know if it causes or inhibits weight gain – I just thought it worth mentioning.)

Please be sweet in your suggestions.  As any of you who have also taken this journey, or struggled with your weight, know, it is hard to admit that you need to shed a few (or more than a few).  I don’t know why that is, seeing as how SO many people struggle with this.  I’m not sure where the shame and embarrassment come from.  But it’s there.

Shoot, I haven’t even told Jim about this goal.  Seriously.  He’s reading it for the first time right along with you.  (Hi, honey.)  I guess I took the “band-aid” approach for getting this out there: a 0ne-time, take-a-deep-breath-, fire away and let’s see what happens approach.

So, in the famous words of Bob the Builder (who has surprising pull in our home, believe it or not)….. Can we fix it?

Yes, we can.  Or, I can, with your help.  Won’t you, please?