I’m the little engine that couldn’t

I’m running out of steam, y’all.

I just realized that I have posted almost every day since Duncan was born, give or take one or two days in May when blogging fell by the wayside because there was either too little or too much to say.

That’s a lot of writing about a whole bunch of something, and a fair helping of nothing, too.

But as I sit here tonight, in my inlaw’s kitchen, listening to the sounds of Ohio summer filtering through the open window, I realize how dry I am, inside.

I’m feeling spent.   Empty.  There are times in the day when the emotions threaten to spill out, the words rise to my tongue in a torrent, and the thoughts escape from my mind in such rapid motion, you’d think I’d have an abundance of things to talk about.  To write about.

But I don’t.  Not really.

Maybe it’s in more of a “but Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart” kind of way.  Maybe it’s the knowledge (or fear) that you all are as sick of hearing the thoughts bouncing around between my ears as I am.  Maybe it’s because I’m less than thrilled with the continuous chronicling or what seems so trivial and mundane, when in reality?  You’d fall off your chair in shock if you knew what was going on behind the scenes in my life right now.

I have so many things that are weighing on my heart that it feels uncomfortable to keep them to myself.  And yet I feel that this is exactly what I must do.  And if you know me, you know that this is very out of character for me.  I’ve always been an open book.  Maybe some would call me an over-sharer, but I think it just makes life so much easier if the people around me are on the same page as me and know where I’m coming from.

(on a completely random and totally stream-of-consciousness wavelength, I highly recommend Crunch ‘n Munch Chocolate and Caramel Popcorn with Peanuts.  God bless my mother-in-law for always having the best snacks stashed away.)

See?

Seriously?  I’m making you read about caramel corn?  What has this blog come to?

I guess what triggered this post is that I’ve lost two “followers” this week.  “Followers” being people that I know “subscribed” to read my blog regularly.  I’m trying not to take it personally.  After all, I’ve done my share of un-following as I’ve made my way around the blogosphere.  But it has made me wonder – why?  Was I boring?  Too morose?  Too chipper?  To pointless?

I dunno.

All I can say is that I’ve never been anyone on this blog than just me.

And right now me feels a little quiet.

So, if you notice a pattern emerging, and you think, “hmm…I wonder if Monica is okay,” know that I am, for the most part, but that I’m just in a valley right now.

So, pray for me.  Stick with me – if only for the random post filled with Seth’s uber-cuteness.  Please don’t go (too far) away.