And it just keeps growing

Remember the "pregnant list" post from last week?

Well, since I published that, the list has morphed a little. Two of the ladies on the list delivered healthy baby boys in the last week.

So, yea! The list went down to 18.

But then, on Monday, I received back-to-back emails from very close girlfriends, letting me know that they are expecting their second babies this winter.

Wednesday, two more girlfriends announced their pregnancies. One is her second, after multiple losses; the other is her third, after a recent loss. Honestly, their losses make it a little easier to stomach. How sick is that? That miscarriage and stillbirth and infant loss has taken my psyche to a place where I think those who have suffered loss are somehow more entitled to a healthy baby. I'm sorry. But if I'm being honest, it's how I feel.

Anyway.

On a different note, but kind of related is my "disclaimer" for this post.

Recently, someone questioned how I knew to write the "warning: random posts ahead" post last Sunday. I had to admit that I'd already written six posts for this week. She was surprised. She also blogs and said, "I just write about whatever is current [in my life]."

Well, yeah. That makes sense. And it's what I do, too. Normally.

But I had to confess that I was afraid to write what was "current" with me, because chances would strongly lean toward posts all about Duncan, or how I was feeling about Duncan, or how much I miss Duncan, or how I'd give anything to still be pregnant with Duncan...

And while nothing increases blog traffic like a tragic event (I nearly doubled my followers when Duncan was born), I would think nothing would deter readers faster than hearing, over and over, about my melancholy.

So....I've just been posting non-emotional, random fodder. But I think that's about run its course, so I hope y'all can put up with some heavier posts in the coming weeks. Because I need to be real with you, and right now, real isn't very pretty.