An ode to the woman half-raising my child

She is fabulous. Seriously. The same woman who produced this masterpiece:

Also produced this:

Lily Rose at the zoo, age 2 1/2

And this:

Olive Magdalene - age 6 weeks

In all seriousness, I just have to brag on our sitter, Sara, for a minute.

This woman makes it so easy to go to work in the morning. Well, let me clarify. She makes it easy to leave Seth; I'm often dragging my feet to her door because I'd much rather hang out with her and our kids all day than go to work.

Sara is one of the most vibrant, passionate, patient, tender, wise, godly woman I've ever been privileged to call a friend. How very blessed am I that she has had such a huge - HUGE!!! - role in shaping Seth for the first impressionable year of his life.

I don't know what I'm going to do without her once we move to Nashville. I tease her that I'm going to hire her as my cyber-nanny: I have NO doubt that she can parent Seth over a webcam. None. Lord knows I am going to MISS her wisdom on a daily basis and having her mommy-know-how just around the block.

I am disappointed in myself that I can't seem to find the right words to praise this woman for the work she does, seemingly tirelessly, with so much love.

Maybe this will help.

Proverbs 31, select verses

10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. (And speaking of food....oh, can she cook! You've not lived until you've tasted her Fettuccine Alfredo. Mmm!)

15 She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household...(check! 7 am, waffles, bananas, and toast with apple butter to her charges

16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. Ok, no garden. But look what she did with that pumpkin!

17 She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong. Um, hello. Lily, Olive, Brady, Seth. That's probably 75 pounds. All day.

18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. I can't tell you how many times she has made herself available to me. night or day.

20 She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. She may not have an abundance, but what she has is yours, no questions asked.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. Duh. Olive is a ladybug!

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. Unwavering in her faith. She knows Who holds her future, and she smiles about it, no doubt.

26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. I benefit from her wisdom as much as Seth does.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Did I mention she watches four children, ages 2, 1, 10 months, and 6 weeks?

28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29 “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

All I know is that when she stands one day for her reward, it will not just be her own offspring that rise up and call her blessed.

Miss Sara, we LOVE you! We're so glad you, Dan, and the girls (and the hairy boys, too!) are part of our life.

Thankful Thursday

1. Tomorrow, I get to dress Seth up in this cute hat plus the rest of his jack-o-lantern costume:



2. I get to spend next weekend with these beautiful people:

3. While Daina and I are livin' it up at Red Robin (we're gonna have a belated birthday celebration, resplendent with balloons and confetti ad nauseum), Jim will be busy doing this:

(the fixing of, not creating of)

Because..... drum roll....

WE HAVE A CLOSING DATE!!!

Lord willing, we take possession on Friday, Nov. 7!!! Yea!

To celebrate, I think I shall eat some Dove.

;)

Reinforcements

To whomever left the "extra dark" Dove bar on my desk this morning.....thank you.

And my employer thanks you. This bought them at least another whole day.

Cheating

I've had three Dove hearts in the last hour.

I can't stop crying.

At this rate, I'll have to resign on Friday, because there won't be any candy left.

Interpeeps, please pray for our family. News from ICU is not good. They have decided not to attempt a move to the U of M. I know she was supposed to have a two-unit transfusion this afternoon. There may be blood in her lungs. Dad hasn't really given me a timeframe, but we're feeling.....I just don't know.

Oh, my head and my heart hurt.

Not sure which I love more: my mother-in-law, or the chocolate

Obviously, it's been a rough couple of days.

And my mother-in-law, thankfully, knows full well that nothing brightens my day faster than a piece of Dove dark chocolate.

So, Sunday, when we went over to my in-laws after purchasing our new appliances (more about those later!), she had a bag of Dove hearts waiting for me. Yea, me!

Jim likes milk chocolate, not dark, so I knew there'd be no hard feelings if I took the bag to work. How handy for my 3 pm sweet tooth moment.

And wouldn't you know it? Today, I counted out the pieces, and there is exactly one piece for each work day I have left until Christmas vacation (ie, we go to Florida)! I know it's kind of a silly observation, but humor me. It's like my own little grown-up-and-taken-out-of-context Advent calendar. Sort of.

Hey. Whatever gets you through the day, no?

I may be "only" 10 months, but I'm bound determined to convince you people I'm a big boy...

I just can't get over how grown up he looks here....we got some great shots at the pumpkin patch on Sunday. More pics to follow when I get two seconds to upload more.

Still here - a haiku

Back at work. No fun.

Feeling okay. Just tired.

Wishing it were March.

Validation

A sweet woman -- someone I have long looked up to -- sent me this word of encouragement today:

"Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to "keep it together."

"So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance. "I'm gonna harden my heart," sang Rindy Ross. "I'm going to swallow my tears." A terrible, costly way to live your life. Part of this is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. That we will be consumed by our sorrow. It's an understandable fear – but it is no more true than the fear we had of the dark as children.

Grief, dear sisters, is good. Grief helps to heal our hearts. Why, Jesus himself was a "man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." (Isa. 53:3) Let the tears come. Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. Let the tears come. It is the only kind thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And feel you will – many things. Anger. That's okay. Anger's not a sin (Eph. 4:26). Remorse. Of course you do. Fear. Yes, that makes sense. Jesus can handle the fear as well. In fact, there is no emotion you can bring up that Jesus can't handle. (Look at the Psalms – they are a raging sea of emotions). Let it all out.

"As Augustine wrote in his Confessions, "The tears . . . streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested." Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered. That's not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there – the tears of a little girl who is lost and frightened. The tears of a teenage girl who's been rejected and has no place to turn. No one understands. The tears of a woman whose life has been hard and lonely and nothing close to her dreams. Let them come."

Wow. How profound, and how true.

This week has held one crisis after another. I can hardly believe that as I type this, the clock is racing towards Sunday. Sunday. A week since I was pregnant. A week since I wasn't. A week of recuperation, and a whole week of minutes to think and feel and wonder and, yes, cry.

As most of you blog readers know, it has also been a week to let a parent's crisis overshadow my own. And I don't use the word "overshadow" in a "how dare you, you stole my spotlight" way. Literally, having a parent rushed to what may or may not be the literal "death bed" takes precedence.

I don't know what the next few days hold for our family. Dad is keeping Jim and I as updated as the [incompetent] doctors are keeping him. Which of course, is not to say much. You'd think we are used to living in this limbo. In a way, we are. In a way, we're not. You never really get used to this. This waiting. This feeling a really not wanting to answer the phone. Shoot -- I really don't even want it to ring.

I'm supposed to go -- well, I am going -- back to work on Monday. Ugh. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know how that's going to go. [An aside: Kim, Susan -- I'll try my best, I promise.] I feel so worn. So weary. Insurance just seems, so ironically, I realize!, so irrelevant.

Anyway.

I know this post is all over the place. I guess I just needed to get it out. To validate, as the title says, not just how I'm feeling about today's reality, but today's reality itself.

Tomorrow is a new day; oh, how I have lived this week for each new day to dawn. Only God knows what it will hold...

Just to keep writing...

1. Where is your cell phone? Kitchen counter
2. Where is your significant other? on the couch
3. Your hair color? brown, albeit a nice shade, I think
4. Your favorite thing? reading
5. Your dream last night? sadly, relived Sunday. Ambien makes you sleep. Not forget.
6. Your dream/goal? Parenthood
7. The room you're in? living room
8. Your hobby? reading
9. Your fear? drowning
10. Where do you want to be in six years? with my family, preferably, still in TN
11. Where were you last night? Home
12. What you're not? famous
13. One of your wish list items? beautiful landscaping
14. Where you grew up? Ohio
15. The last thing you did? gave Seth a bath
16. What are you wearing? scrubs and my PCC sweatshirt
17. Your T.V.? tuned to a documentary, waiting for The Office
18. Your pet? n/a
19. Your computer? BFF, doubling as a heating pad
20. Your mood? worn
21. Missing someone? oh, yes
22. Your car? Mazda 3
23. Something you're not wearing? shoes
24. Favorite store? Target
25. Your Summer? fleeting
26. Love someone? lots of someones
27. Your favorite color? red
28. When is the last time you laughed? today
29. Last time you cried? Today

There. I posted. =)

Redeeming love

There is always a "bright side," a "silver lining," to every trauma and tragedy. At the very least, there is a lesson to be learned, or something to bring away from a situation to make one better.

Here are the things I am thankful for from Sunday, in no particular order:

• that our annual trip to Jerry and Nikki's was altered; I would have been in the car, 2 hours from home, when I started hemorrhaging
• that I have such a wonderful obgyn. Dr. G rushed to my side to perform surgery, even though he had the flu. He hugged me, told me I was one of his girls, and that he'd make it all better. Platitude of course, but so nice to hear in the moment.
• that my dad was over for dinner when I started bleeding and knew enough to rush me to the ER
• that my in-laws had to "just stop by," and that they were there for us to leave Seth with
• that Jim returned back home safely and in time for my surgery, as he was out of town when the hemorrhaging began
• for my friend Daina -- she has been through this hell and back multiple times, and she has been a great source of comfort.
• that there was a girlfriend only 15 minutes away who was available to hold my hand; she helped me through my first lost, and sadly, through these losses, too.
• that the pregnancy was not ectopic. I know that an ectopic could have had more devastating results.
• that my ER tech was able to start my IV with no issues. I HATE getting IVs.

Today, I am sad. Heartbroken. But I am also thankful.

And God had other ideas

So, so much for my grand calendar of events.

I won't go into details, but I need to at least make note.

Insert into that post below a stop at the hospital to experience both the joy of learning that we would be parents of twins (yes, in me -- oh my goodness, a dream come true!) ... and the sadness of letting them go after only nine weeks.

I am recovering from surgery at home. I am sad, yet hopeful; in pain, but healing.

Jim and I know we will have the children God wants us to, both on earth, and on the other side of Heaven.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret,
and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me.
~ Psalm 139:13-16

It's like "Pardon the Interruption." Except not as entertaining. Or about sports.

Remember last year, when I would give you all a rundown of current and upcoming "events" (i.e. doctor appointments)? Well, here's something like that.

We're not quite, but kind of, in limbo.

As of today, Jim has officially resigned from his current position (and, while normally, this would go without saying, I will add that, yes, they actually now KNOW that he is leaving). His plan is to work until either December 12 or until a suitable replacement is trained, whichever comes first.

Things are still up in the air with our current home. We have a second meeting next week with a potential "suitor," and we are hopeful that this is the fit we are all looking for. More to come on that.

Our home inspection on the Tennessee property is Tuesday morning. Once that is all wrapped up and finalized, we will be able to nail down a closing date. We are hopeful for November 6 or 7.

If that is the case, the plan is to move the majority of our things to Tennessee the week of Thanksgiving, and spend the long holiday weekend painting, cleaning, and moving in general. (Does anyone think I'm crazy for wanting to set up the Christmas tree that weekend, even though no one will be there to enjoy it?)

I'm tentatively planning a 1st birthday party / going-away bash for the first weekend in December -- between Thanksgiving and Jim's move to Tennessee. We'll see if I actually manage to pull that off.

Seth and I fly to Jacksonville the week before Christmas (Jim will join us from Nashville), and we all come home the day after Christmas.

The plan right now is for me to work those last few days of the year to finish up our January renewals, and then all three of us will head to Tennessee for good. Bittersweet, I know.

So, blink. Blink, blink. And just like that we go from mid-October to New Year's. I know in reality it'll go just about that fast, too.

Not my most riveting post ever. Sorry. =) Just trying to keep the masses informed. Hope you all have a great weekend!

I do it for...?

I've started to realize that I tend to write my blog entries based on what I think others will enjoy reading. Which, in and of itself isn't a bad thing. One of the key principles to writing well is to "know your audience."

But one of, if not the main, purpose of this blog was to journal our daily lives for us and to merely allow you, the reader, to peek in from time to time.

So, I'm going to make an intentional effort to get WriterChic back to its roots. There will still be randomness and silly polls and ways to waste time and links to others' sites, but I'm really going to try to bring this back to the basics.

So, I start with this.

Monday night, I knew Seth was T-I-R-E-D, and that there would be no way he'd make it to his 8/8:30 bedtime. So, he slept from maybe 7:30-8:15. And then he was UP. So we played for a bit, and then around 9:00, Jim put him to bed.

Oh my.

The child cried and screamed and banged his head against his crib for over a half hour. When I finally could stand it no longer, I went in to check on him, and I immediately could tell he wasn't throwing a tantrum, he was just wide awake. And I suppose that I'd cry, too, if the people I loved most in the world left me to sit confined, in a still, dark room, while they went to "play."

So, we got up, and went back in the family room. And wouldn't you know it? I swear, all he wanted was a little more time with mom and dad. He didn't squirm or fuss or whine. He was content to sit on my lap, chew on the drawstring of my hoodie, and watch One Tree Hill. And right at 10:00, as the show ended, he leaned his head back on my shoulder, smiled up at me, closed his eyes, and went to sleep. Just like that.

Well, alright then. It melted my heart.

I know some super nanny out there who swears by BabyWise is scoffing at this post, pointing out all the bedtime "rules" I broke on Monday night. But the heck with her. We all, eventually, got a good nights rest, and I got to have one of the sweetest simple moments with my baby.

I win.

I remember...

Baby Gregory, estimated due date, October 30, 2007

Love you forever and always,
Mommy, Daddy, and baby brother Seth

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Clicking on the photo will take you to the official homepage. Clicking here will take to you Bring the Rain, where Angie has posted a tribute to our lost little ones.

.75 going on 16

Oh, hi! Wanna go for a drive?

Let me get situated here...

Check the gas gauge...

Check behind me....

Turn up the radio...

Here we go!

Let's turn here...

Almost there!

What, you didn't really think I was alone, did you?

Vote for ALF!

I promise, this is not my plea for a write-in vote for the November election.

But I do need you to join me in a contest.

My dear friend Mandie had a beautiful baby boy, Anderson, last month. He is currently in a photo contest that ends this week, and I need you to go here and vote for #4.

And if you're a blogger with a different audience than mine....pretty please post a plea for this on your site too?

Thanks!

A Father's Heart

When I received this letter last week on my birthday, I debated posting it. After all, it's fairly private, and not all of it will make sense to most people. But since it was sent by (unconventional for him) way of an e-card, I needed to put it somewhere a little more permanent and accessible (for me).

So here, dear reader, is a glimpse into my father's love for me:

My dear Sam !

There is not a new word that could ever be discovered to tell you just how much a part of me you have been since the day you were born.

I have been so blessed by the Lord to know the joy of having you centered in my heart for 28 years. If I could have told you over the years just what a difference you have made in my life, you could never have understood it better than you do right now.

IFfsomeone tried to explain your dad without knowing you they would be wrong. I guess that is why the name "Monica's Dad" always meant so much to me. It was closer to who I am than any description could possibly be. If someone thinks of me and does not know of your "Duck," they would never know how I got to be who I am. You and "Duck" are quite simply the most important two people in my life. Kind of like bookends to who I am. Everything and everyone else in my life is just a chapter in the book of my life.
People of all kinds benefit today because you are my daughter! You have made me so proud.

You know me so well, too! When you told me about the move, you knew exactly how I would process it, in about a minute......I was thinking "road trip" before I could catch my breath. I will be fine sweetheart. I think that the "little man" may get tired of having me on Yahoo Messenger all night but he will be the one calling me by the age of 3. In fact, I can read to him and sing to him and even come to dinner with you guys.

Sam - if there was ever a gift that I could give you to express who you are to me, there is only one thing on earth I could give you. When I started to write this letter, I said there was not a new word that describes what I feel when it comes to you, but there is a word that I would use to express the closest thing I know to this reality - that word is "SETH" . You should know better now than you have ever known, what has been going on inside me of me for 28 years. AMAZING is all I can say.

You have my heart, Monica, in a way that no one else ever will. You are joy and happiness and all the music of Heaven to me. The Lord Himself sings over His children, and I have never stopped singing over my Daughter!

In fact, today is a good day to "Shout to the Lord" !

Happy Birthday,

all my Love, your eternal bud-e, DAD :)

"A" is for "award" and for "Amy" and "awww!"

So, yes. I'm famous now.

Not really, but I have received my first shout out in the blog world from someone who doesn't live within 20 miles of me. (SJB, that disclaimer was for you. I very much appreciate how often you credit me on Hostage Negotiation.)

Anyway.

One of my favorite blogs to follow is Chapters, written by Amy. She's honest, vulnerable, and funny, not to mention gorgeous, sweet, and someone I really think I'd be friends with "in real life" if we lived closer.

Apparently, Amy doesn't think I'm half bad either, because she gave me this earlier this week:

Amy thinks I'm an "A+ Blogger"!!!

Nothing qualified me for this award, unlike some other awards that have, you know, actual criteria, but still, I was flattered. And in the spirit of paying it forward, here are the "rules" and my awardees:

1. You should pay it forward to 2 other blogger and let them know they won

2. You should give them a compliment

3. You should thank your giver

4. You should post your award for the world to see!

So, I award Brittani because she took to blogging like a champ, has stayed faithful to it, and never fails to show the world how much she loves her husband and son, and I award Sara, because she also has been a faithful "newbie" blogger (more faithful than me, even!) and because I just love her. But, sad for you, dear reader, Sara's blog is private. Don't you wish you were cool enough to be her friend?

So, thank you Amy, and congrats, Brit and Sara!

Well, I certainly don't like this...

I'd started the Nashville update post on Tuesday, and finished it on Thursday. But when I published it, it posted before Isaac's playground post, not after (so it'd be at the top of the page), like I expected.

So, dear reader, scroll down a post or two to get to the real scoop on our weekend away, while I go figure out if there is a way around this delayed posting yuckiness....

Everybody needs a place to play

I promise, we'll soon get back to "normal" blogging, but I wanted to pass this along to anyone who may be interested.

In memeory of Isaac, Stacy and Spencer will be having a playground built at their church, Mountain View Community Church. They just broke ground on the new facility, and the hope is that both the facility and the playground will be completed next fall.

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made and sent to Mountain View Community Church for Isaac's playground. Pease be sure to write "Isaac's Playground" in the memo line. Checks may be mailed to:

Mountain View Communty Church
3401 Urbana Pike
Fredrick, MD 21704
Attention: Pam Wilson-- Isaac's Playground

Thank you to all our readers who chose to walk this journey with us, and in turn, with Stacy and Spencer. I will continue to leave Isaac's ultrasound picture up in the sidebar for a while for those who want to continue to read He Will Carry Me.

Nashville to-do list: "meet Gene Simmons" and "buy a house"

Okay. So maybe not "met" so much as "saw." But still!

(Sorry for the poor quality. I kept asking Jim "should I take a picture?," and he kept saying "no." But then, as it was too late to grab the real camera, he says, "yeah, why don't you?" and I had to resort to the camera phone.)

But in other more accurate new, we DID buy a house.

After looking at more than 20 homes last Saturday and Sunday, we were blessed to view a property in a city that we'd foregone looking at because of the average cost of homes. More attainable than they would ever be up here, but still out of our price range. But due to some divine circumstances, we were able to place an offer on a beautiful home in a great new subdivision, and our offer was accepted less than 12 hours later!

Isn't it beautiful?

The Lexus, unfortunately, does not come with the house!

Things I love about this home:

• PRIVACY! We're in a great neighborhood, but we are on a creek (crick?) fronted, wooded lot that backs up to a hill. There is NOBODY behind us, and there never will be
• Second floor laundry room (more than fair trade for the loss of my dual laundry shoot)
• Double vanities and garden tub in master bathroom
• HUGE closets
• Large deck with a baby gate already installed
• A flagpole! I just think that is SO cool!
• Gas fireplace in living room (wasn't a must, but it was on the wish list)
• Attached 2-car garage (I'm pretty sure this will be used for the cars, too! What a novel idea!)

Yes, we still need to sell our house in Ohio, but we feel very confident that it will go, even in this market. We see now, even more than we did in 2006, how blessed we were to get such a great deal on our current house. We'll be able to keep the price comparable with the houses up for sale in our neighborhood, and still not lose any money. But still...we would still appreciate it if you would pray that the house moves quickly!

I had intended to write more this morning, but my heart is still heavy for Stacy and Spencer, and details about our move just seem a little trivial right now. But I know that several of you were waiting for news of the house hunting trip, so...there you go!

PS -- Plans will be to close in early to mid-November, and do a major "stuff, not people" move the week of Thanksgiving. We think we have the perfect timetable all mapped out.....but who know how that will play out in reality!? =)

Thanks for stopping by, and I'd love to hear what you think about our new home!

Isaac Timothy ~ October 7, 2008

Sadly announcing the birth and homegoing of sweet Isaac.

Isaac Timothy was born and was with his precious mom and dad, Stacy and Spencer, for 16 minutes before Jesus welcomed him home. Stacy and Spencer are able to be with him and, as Stacy so desparately wished, also hold him.

The doctor said Isaac was beautiful, and Stacy went through the surgery well.

The outcome was not what we wished, but we will choose to rejoice in Isaac's LIFE today.

No words

Stacy is at the hospital now. Happy Birthday, sweet Isaac.

Tomorrow

I have much news to report from our weekend in Nashville, and I will.

But none of that is really important right now.

Isaac's birthday is tomorrow, and Stacy and Spencer need our prayers.

I know most of my readers already follow Stacy's blog, but if you don't, you got here just in time to join us in asking for a miracle.

http://sgirl79.blogspot.com/

Start your holiday shopping early!

Or start your holiday weight gain early, however you want to look at it.

I had a response to my "Things that make me happy" post that made me realize it would be inhumane of me to tell y'all of the bliss of Enstrom's toffee, and then leave you hanging. Granted, you could Google it, and find your way to their website, but let me save you the trouble:

http://www.enstrom.com/

Your hips will hate me, but you won't, I promise.

You better believe that this is on my wish list for Christmas this year.

Random Things That Make Me Happy

Inspired by BooMama.

1. Clean kitchen counters and floor. Especially floor.
2. Well-fitting, cute socks.
3. Homemade macaroni and cheese.
4. Point of Grace's Christmas albums.
5. Enstrom's toffee. Heaven.
6. Black and white photography.
7. Cherry tomatoes.
8. Fireplaces.
9. Gerbera daisies.
10. Handwritten notes from a friend.
11. Sleeping in on a rainy day.
12. Non-junk/spam in my Inbox.
13. Thunderstorms.
14. Anticipation.
15. Jim's blue eyes. Sigh.
16. Blog comments. ;)

Wordless Wednesday -- Like Father, Like Son

Check out those identical expressions!

Apparently, I'm on track

Amy posted about a recent personality test she took, and challenged her readers to take it to see if it was as accurate for them as it was for her.

Holy cow -- my results were spot on:

Your personality type:
Popular and sensitive, with outstanding people skills. Externally focused, with real concern for how others think and feel. Usually dislike being alone. They see everything from the human angle and dislike impersonal analysis. Very effective at managing people issues and leading group discussions. Interested in serving others and probably place the needs of others over their own needs.

Careers that could fit you includes:
Teachers, consultants, psychiatrists, social workers, counselors, clergy, sales representatives, human resources, managers, events coordinators, politicians, diplomats, writers, actors, designers, homemakers, musicians, religious workers.

Take the test here, and let me know how "right" it was for you!